Uffizi Mission Project

I am sitting in a local coffee shop in Buellton, listening to the soundtrack of “Eyes Wide Shut,” when I realized that is our problem.  I had to write about it with the few minutes remaining before I head into Santa Barbara.

We look but we don’t really see.  We die because of lack of vision.  Perhaps it is better said that we let others die because of our lack of vision.

We can’t seem to buckle down and pay the price.  We can’t give our lives away.

I was musing over my inability to motivate toward the cause.  I am a waste of three years of public speaking experience.  Yes, I did three years of public speaking in high school.  (I got out of a lot of math to do it)  But my results are not so good.  When I speak, seems that no one wants to hear more after.  It is either my speaking or the content of my speech.  I keep making the mistake of asking for too much too quickly.  I want people to come out and see what I see, but more than that, do something about it.

I keep getting introduced as a missionary when I want to see a missional church.  But mission does not sum it up well, because it is a loaded and attractive and unattractive term at the same time.  The agenda of God seems to be love – I can’t get away from that.

Our eyes are wide shut.  Wide open eyes will inquire about new paradigms and solutions – and a radical shift from a passive to aggressive love.  Empty buildings but full on the streets.  It will be the strange parties Jesus describes – a freak show centered around a strange juice.  I see colors coming to visit black and white.

I suddenly got a bit depressed… opening eyes are the healing balm.

There is a song that says something like this, “I’m not sick, but I’m not that well,” or something like that – I think that describes the tension of my life, the life of our community – or maybe just life on earth.

I think it is a tension that we most often try to escape – thus our culture is based primarily upon escape and consumerism and safety.  It has been something of discussion within our Shalom community, and those I walk with almost on a daily basis up and down the West Side.

It can be captured in my Wednesday.

I met with one friend who I have known since the beginning of Pershing Park.  There were about four of us, and about four on the streets who started talking over spaghetti.  He and I became friends right away.  We connected though our worlds were quite different.  Since then we have walked together as he moved through detox, sober living, relapse, back into detox, sober living…. and now he has found full time work, and is headed to housing.  We had lunch with his co-workers and he expressed how he is at the best point in life ever, that he has dignity and hope for the future.  He is working for a wonderful farming community and they are a tremendous support for him.

Then later that night, at Pershing Park, I learned that our good friend, The Professor, was on life support.  He lived out in Isla Vista, but journeyed to Pershing often with friends.  He was close friends with some of our team at Pershing Park.  He passed away on Thursday, and we are hit with the suddenness of such a loss.  We get used to it, but it is never easy.  He was a wonderful soft spoken, funny man.  He did have several degrees (thus The Professor name),  but for some understandable reasons ended up on the street.

Tension.

I am learning more and more about the continual tension I am living in, and that I am inviting others into.

We are used to the sitcom way of life – where there may be a problem presented, but it is eased by laughter and usually comes to a quick resolution.  Our institutions often serve to protect us from an outer reality.  Phrases such as “The family that prays together, stays together.”  The problem is, I personally know of several families who prayed together that are no longer together.

Life is no sitcom.  It may be a sittracom (situation tragedy comedy) instead – which brings us back to tension.

One guarantee for everyone wanting to be incarnational, you will encounter life as sittracom.  You will have joys centered in the midst of human suffering and tragedy.  You are guaranteed to live in tension for the rest of your life.  Will you commit to that?

We talked about this in our shalom community, and as I talk with all the Westmont leaders and Westmont grads who are in this – there is agreement that we are all living in this.  I am talking with them about not pushing the eject button too early, but remaining in it.

What makes the tension worth it – the little things.

The other day two girls from the Carrillo Apartments came over to talk about camp.  I was able to show them our new library.  Patty Wilson sat down with them and told them that they could come over and check out books any time.  They spent about a half hour with us – I know the Village is a safe place for them where they know they are loved.  That one half hour is worth a week of tension.

I am neither fully sick or healthy.  I am getting used that personal reality, and that it is the history of humanity on earth.  How deep will I go into it?  Will I myself remain in the mess?