The door above is from the apartments neighboring the Village Apartments. It represents one of the doors of invitation to the church in Santa Barbara. I understand more and more the call that God has put upon my life, and how uncomfortable that call really is.
I get why there is so little peace as well – because peace-making is a difficult process and it is a narrow road – few willingly enter the process long term.
“Blessed are the Peacemakers…” So many seem to put that on a bumper sticker and are done with it.
I am in continual tension as someone testing the waters of peacemaking. This inner turmoil surely is one reason for the lack of help for friends in dire circumstances. Today, to be honest – from a one to ten on the prophetic scale – I feel like a 7.
I cannot with good conscience say that we are caring for our poor. I would like to get myself to say it, but I can’t. Even in the midst of at least a growing awareness…. in the midst of a shalom community rising up for the city… in the midst of churches seeming to have a desire to get involved. I can’t say it is enough.
I am a twisted man in a twisted world with a manic inward discussion. It happens to me as I sit next to the mentally ill on benches. It hits me when I walk by apartments with kids playing in the dirt. It strikes me when I take sign ups for missional days in gatherings of hundreds and 3 people sign up.
I have been listening to “Eminence Front,” by the Who. What the song could be about? One idea is the face we put on ourselves to forget what lies underneath – “drinks flow, people forget, forget their hiding.” And it seems to me, the pretty face of Santa Barbara is hiding from something. It is why we have people now on the streets not allowed to speak, but only to hold signs. It is why I have become a panhandler for the poor myself. ”Signs disregarded, people forget, forget their hiding.”
I once bought a bozo the clown punching bag for a friend who was going through a tough time, and we punched him together back in the day.
The only way I will survive will be the creation of a shalom community, where we can share the tension together – because there is enough to go around. I am working to develop a community based around peace-making, to increase the possibilities. It may be completely selfish, so I don’t end up in a nut house with photos of Jesus in my rubber room.
When I graduated high school, I headed off to UCSD to double major in English and Writing. I was going to write screenplays. I was writing books. Writing is my way of survival. This blog is my authentic steam release. You’ll have to know that to understand me.
There is a tremendous vision out there – in the heart and mind of God – and I plan on partnering in it through the good days and the bad.
That door up there is an invitation to enter the long term incarnational love way of Jesus – but count the cost…
Remembering that each person outside has a reason for being outside of the church, and wondering again, just why that is so – it intrigues me to have conversations with everyone outside to find out why.