Archive for June, 2010

asking the right question

Friday, June 25th, 2010

I think you could convict me often of considering, or asking, the wrong question.

One of the wrong questions is, “is this a church?”  Meaning, evaluating what is happening with the Uffizi under the consideration of whether it passes the church litmus test.

It is a continual tension, because I work for a church planting organization.  I live in a Western culture looking for some kind of a gathering, observable structure that is solid and not liquid.  I live with 2o years of church life in me.  There are multiple voices that can speak in this conversation.

I have resolved that the better question may be, “Is God in this?”  Can you see something of Jesus in what is happening in the people involved, in the people around the swirling liquid relationships.  I don’t think this purely as escapism or my own phobias (though they are surely in the percentage), but more because I do see God in this.

I see the love of God all the time.  I saw it yesterday when some of the Westmont interns were at the pool at the Village with 25 or so kids from the neighboring Carrillo Apartments.  These kids look forward to every Thursday afternoon when they get to come over and swim for two hours.  They line up outside apt 55 early so they are sure to get to swim.  I just find it in the joy I see in those kids and the love that the Westmont students and Westmont grads have for them.

I see that God is in this when I go to Pershing Park, and I talk with a woman who wants to come and serve.  She has been to the park a couple of times, and now is bringing her organization.  She is in tears talking about how wonderful she believes this meal sharing is.  I also see the sick at Pershing Park walking over to the DWW team and finding care and concern, where often they find disdain at other places.

I find it when I get to talk with some of the Westmont interns openly as we walk together.  I get to walk with many of them as we talk about what they are experiencing – the ups and downs, the inner conflicts, the struggles with God.  I love being able to be real and give them space to be themselves.  I like getting to know new friends – friendship itself is something that God is in.  I experience it too when I sense loss when these new friends move away to new places, head back to school so I don’t get as much time with them.

I see God in my own wrestling even in these questions.  I find Him again addressing my own ego.  Things have grown – exponentially.  I have been given the charge to remain a servant until death, and so God continually addresses my pride.  When I feel it rise up – I want to go somewhere and start a new initiative where once again I am of no reputation.

We need to ask the right questions.  I don’t want to ask the wrong ones any more.  I am reduced again today to wanting to learn to love and be loved, to be fully human as I am drawn toward the divine.

Posted in CAI, Pershing Park, The Village, Uffizi Mission, Westmont, jesus, santa barbara | 3 Comments »

Sitracom

Friday, June 18th, 2010

There is a song that says something like this, “I’m not sick, but I’m not that well,” or something like that – I think that describes the tension of my life, the life of our community – or maybe just life on earth.

I think it is a tension that we most often try to escape – thus our culture is based primarily upon escape and consumerism and safety.  It has been something of discussion within our Shalom community, and those I walk with almost on a daily basis up and down the West Side.

It can be captured in my Wednesday.

I met with one friend who I have known since the beginning of Pershing Park.  There were about four of us, and about four on the streets who started talking over spaghetti.  He and I became friends right away.  We connected though our worlds were quite different.  Since then we have walked together as he moved through detox, sober living, relapse, back into detox, sober living…. and now he has found full time work, and is headed to housing.  We had lunch with his co-workers and he expressed how he is at the best point in life ever, that he has dignity and hope for the future.  He is working for a wonderful farming community and they are a tremendous support for him.

Then later that night, at Pershing Park, I learned that our good friend, The Professor, was on life support.  He lived out in Isla Vista, but journeyed to Pershing often with friends.  He was close friends with some of our team at Pershing Park.  He passed away on Thursday, and we are hit with the suddenness of such a loss.  We get used to it, but it is never easy.  He was a wonderful soft spoken, funny man.  He did have several degrees (thus The Professor name),  but for some understandable reasons ended up on the street.

Tension.

I am learning more and more about the continual tension I am living in, and that I am inviting others into.

We are used to the sitcom way of life – where there may be a problem presented, but it is eased by laughter and usually comes to a quick resolution.  Our institutions often serve to protect us from an outer reality.  Phrases such as “The family that prays together, stays together.”  The problem is, I personally know of several families who prayed together that are no longer together.

Life is no sitcom.  It may be a sittracom (situation tragedy comedy) instead – which brings us back to tension.

One guarantee for everyone wanting to be incarnational, you will encounter life as sittracom.  You will have joys centered in the midst of human suffering and tragedy.  You are guaranteed to live in tension for the rest of your life.  Will you commit to that?

We talked about this in our shalom community, and as I talk with all the Westmont leaders and Westmont grads who are in this – there is agreement that we are all living in this.  I am talking with them about not pushing the eject button too early, but remaining in it.

What makes the tension worth it – the little things.

The other day two girls from the Carrillo Apartments came over to talk about camp.  I was able to show them our new library.  Patty Wilson sat down with them and told them that they could come over and check out books any time.  They spent about a half hour with us – I know the Village is a safe place for them where they know they are loved.  That one half hour is worth a week of tension.

I am neither fully sick or healthy.  I am getting used that personal reality, and that it is the history of humanity on earth.  How deep will I go into it?  Will I myself remain in the mess?

Posted in postmodernism | No Comments »

Why So Little Peace?

Saturday, June 12th, 2010

The door above is from the apartments neighboring the Village Apartments.  It represents one of the doors of invitation to the church in Santa Barbara.  I understand more and more the call that God has put upon my life, and how uncomfortable that call really is.

I get why there is so little peace as well – because peace-making is a difficult process and it is a narrow road – few willingly enter the process long term.

“Blessed are the Peacemakers…”  So many seem to put that on a bumper sticker and are done with it.

I am in continual tension as someone testing the waters of peacemaking.  This inner turmoil surely is one reason for the lack of help for friends in dire circumstances.  Today, to be honest – from a one to ten on the prophetic scale – I feel like a 7.

I cannot with good conscience say that we are caring for our poor.  I would like to get myself to say it, but I can’t.  Even in the midst of at least a growing awareness…. in the midst of a shalom community rising up for the city… in the midst of churches seeming to have a desire to get involved.  I can’t say it is enough.

I am a twisted man in a twisted world with a manic inward discussion.  It happens to me as I sit next to the mentally ill on benches.  It hits me when I walk by apartments with kids playing in the dirt.  It strikes me when I take sign ups for missional days in gatherings of hundreds and 3 people sign up.

I have been listening to “Eminence Front,” by the Who.  What the song could be about?  One idea is the face we put on ourselves to forget what lies underneath – “drinks flow, people forget, forget their hiding.”  And it seems to me, the pretty face of Santa Barbara is hiding from something.  It is why we have people now on the streets not allowed to speak, but only to hold signs.  It is why I have become a panhandler for the poor myself.  ”Signs disregarded, people forget, forget their hiding.”

I once bought a bozo the clown punching bag for a friend who was going through a tough time, and we punched him together back in the day.

The only way I will survive will be the creation of a shalom community, where we can share the tension together – because there is enough to go around.  I am working to develop a community based around peace-making, to increase the possibilities.  It may be completely selfish, so I don’t end up in a nut house with photos of Jesus in my rubber room.

When I graduated high school, I headed off to UCSD to double major in English and Writing.  I was going to write screenplays.  I was writing books.  Writing is my way of survival.  This blog is my authentic steam release.  You’ll have to know that to understand me.

There is a tremendous vision out there – in the heart and mind of God – and I plan on partnering in it through the good days and the bad.

That door up there is an invitation to enter the long term incarnational love way of Jesus – but count the cost…

Posted in State Street, The Village, Uffizi Mission, Westmont, homeless, jesus, postmodernism, santa barbara, shalom | No Comments »

Jesus and the Craps Table

Friday, June 4th, 2010

Just who would Jesus mix it up with?  How far would He go – I mean where does He draw the line in who He would associate with?

This is on my mind after a week of “mixing it up” with all kinds of people – church goers, friends without homes, meth addicts, the mentally ill, Westmont friends, the Mayor…

I had a conversation with new friends from the Santa Ynez Valley.  We met at a local breakfast hub.  The question posed – “Would Jesus go to the casino?”  If so, would He play the craps table?  Would He just hang out in the front or would He enter.  My answer is – yes.  If love compelled Him – and He would do so in Wisdom.

We discussed the coming legality of marijuana – that the day is just around the bend.  And, if it becomes “legal,” how will the church respond?  If it become “LEGAL,” can a 21 year old work with youth and also grow pot plants in the back yard?  Maybe it will not be necessarily in how we answer, but in how we “handle the question with others.”  Will we deal with this with wisdom, or by creating a law ourselves?

How do Ghettos happen?  The answer is complex, but surely part of it is that the “salt retreats from the area.”  This is what I have experienced in our three initiatives – on the West Side, Pershing Park, and Elsie’s Tavern.  The story is changing now as the risk takers of salt and light go back in, but surely we are returning from a vacation away.

I know that as casinos come in, another element of drugs and crime come with them – so the argument is not that you can take a realistic stand against those things which you may believe harm your community.  But, on the other hand, how does a criminal change?  How does someone who brings harm become someone who creates “shalom/peace?”

One answer is surely found in the gospels, as Jesus mixes it up with criminals.  Remember the one who recognized Him on the cross and now lives in Paradise.

The love of God compels us toward the criminal, crazy, sick, outsider, neighbor…

I sat next to a woman this week – she was obviously gripped in mental illness on State Street.  She was screaming at passers by in either anger and or a strange joy.  I was waiting for friends who never showed, but realized there was another reason for being there.  I witnessed a dog care for her better than myself or others.  The dog would let her pet him and just looked at her with that accepting “dog face.”  She said that the dog should run for president.  I just sat and prayed for her and asked for peace for her mind and soul.  But the dog had the knack.

That same day some of us met with the Mayor and others to talk about working together on the West Side – the potential of a new community center, and work at the Carrillo Apartments.

I am know learning that following Jesus means being willing to go from depths to heights – usually starting at depths.  You can’t get to the top of the mountain without starting in the mess, and you never get to stay at the top too far from the mess. (Mark 9)

A community of Shalom is being created – and our reputation is always at stake.  People will wonder why we associate with who we are friends with – we will be questioned and may in fact become questionable ourselves.

I witnessed a friend of mine at Pershing Park this Wednesday, surrounded by friends with homes – he said thanks to us for starting all this.  I knew that every Wednesday night, from 5:30-7:00pm at least, he experienced love.  It made me smile, in the midst of a week of madness.

Posted in Elsies Tavern, Pershing Park, Uffizi Mission, Westmont, homeless, jesus, santa barbara, shalom | No Comments »